Saturday, July 9, 2016

Halloween is Arriving at Pottery Barn

I don't know about you but I love Pottery Barn's Halloween offerings. Their stuff is so sophisticated, classy and stately – just what every Halloween enthusiast needs! They have such a knack for taking a 19-cent light string, adding some admittedly detailed plastic covers, and then charge $34 for something you could get at Target for $8.

But I quibble. I mean The Barn really goes for it when making oversized metal sculptures that weigh 65 lbs. and then ship it in a cardboard box that could fit my washer and dryer. That's the kind of permanence that can be passed down generations and outlive us all on planet Earth. That's what I'm looking for in a Halloween decoration. And I want to remortgage the house to get a skull on a base thingy or get that "Ball and Claw Object". No kidding–their marketing team is so inexperienced with Halloween that the best name they could come up with is "object" – not a gazing globe or crystal ball (for goodness sake, crack open a thesaurus already).

Like the years before, I wonder who the audience is for The Barn's Halloween stuff. Their core shopping demographic is upper middle class (and you know how they love "satanic" holidays and spending nights at home answering their own door to hand out free things to children). I suspect that celebrities (the new money kind), house managers for disengaged corporate VPs, and set decorators for ABC comedies are the true shopping demographic. At the very least, we can enjoy the beautiful photography of The Barn's Halloween products on their website and keep dreaming of winning a moderate lottery to afford some of it.