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Showing posts from July, 2019

CRAWL Death Rolls My Phobias

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Dorothy, my Florida friend, and I went to see CRAWL and I didn't tell her about my irrational fear of alligators. I'm not sure if it's their beady eyes, their snarling snouts, or my deep-seated childhood memory of a crocodile chomping off Captain Hook's hand and then later finishing him off. I can’t tell the difference between the two tailed, long snout beasts so bear with me. Alligators are powerful, mythic beasts, and to my companion they are everyday. She tells me they were in her backyard and if referring to an obnoxious squirrel. To a West Coast boy, alligators are just not a normal thing. She probably fears earthquakes more than I do. I knew very little about  CRAWL  going in, like most horror movies, other than there was a storm and alligators. I didn’t realize the two lead characters where trapped in the crawlspace under a home, next to a gator farm during a category 5 hurricane. Bells, whistles and flags all went up simultaneously. After a brief introdu

Quick Takes: Midsommar, Starfish, Annabelle Comes Home

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Midsommar is a folk horror daydream promising serenity for a pound of pulpy, red flesh. It is hypnotic, blooms with dread & drops unsettling, grisly visuals that while expected still land hard. Ambitious, unique & masterful auteur work, but it sadly does perpetuate xenophobia. Starfish brings an arthouse apocalypse filled with stunning, hypnotic visuals, Lovecraftian monsters & a moody alt rock score. It all hangs on a captivating lead performance but is ensnarled in too much enigma, dampening the impact of this unique & somber grief piece. Annabelle Comes Home is a surprisingly clever third installment due to the setting, strong cast, and menagerie of nasties. I enjoyed the glimpses into the Warren’s other cases & rather than being a retread, it simply dives in. A treat for fans but newbies may get lost in the fog.

Christine McConnell is Back!

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I've been a big huge fan of Christine McConnell and have followed her from Instagram to her book, Deceptive Desserts , to her Netflix show, The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell . Sadly the show got the axe but you can't keep a good woman down for long. She has just launched a new YouTube series called " From the mind of Christine McConnell " which will feature a new project every month. Each video will follow the project from beginning to end. July's video has her transforming a pullout couch she bought on Craigslist into an Edwardian masterpiece. This is absolutely a jaw-dropping transformation. If you are like me, and can't get enough, consider becoming a Christine McConnell Patreon subscriber and get a coffin full of extras including exclusive project videos, Q&A livestreams, recipes, tools & instructions, and more, depending on your tier. I'm so delighted to see Christine McConnell back on screens. She is such a talented and ins

The Horror of Food: Figs & Wasps

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Fresh figs are just about in season and it's time to delve into the pulpy, sweet fruit high in vitamin A, C, potassium and fiber. Here's some great recipes from TheSpruceEats.com . Unfortunately, this delightfully exotic fruit was forever ruined by a post on Apple News. I cannot unlearn the following info, so if you are a fan of figs, you might want to skip this post. First, there are male figs that are inedible and female figs that we eat. Second, a fig wasp that's no bigger than a gnat enters the base of the male fig to lay her eggs and DIES. Males hatch, breed with the females, chew tunnels out of the fig and DIE. But female wasps use those tunnels to emerge and start the process all over again. If the fig she enters is a female fig, the wasp DIES, and is absorbed by the fig eventually resulting in a juicy, plump fig. Coincidentally, for this reason, many vegans and vegetarians refuse to eat figs. The following video from BrainStuff gives you the full explana

Quick Takes: Knife+Heart, Nightmare Cinema, Man Who Killed Hitler...

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Knife+Heart is expressionist film at its dandiest, indulging in titillating & giallo color-saturated imagery. Vanessa Paradis is stunning as an obsessed porn producer in the 70s being stalked why a leather-faced baddie. Its roots are firmly embedded in the horror of gay trauma. Nightmare Cinema gives the horror anthology a fresh take with segments that take on slashers, body horror, possession & in the most impressive turn, mental health anguish. The cast and the production are superb & shows #Shudder is really stepping up their game as producers. The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then Bigfoot is a surprising & often touching drama, thanks to Sam Elliot, with a kooky & original premise. It stumbles with tonal/genre shifts but exciting as a hybrid experiment. Ultimately it’s too syrupy for genre fans & too weird for drama fans.

Los Espookys is Offbeat, Genius & Hilarious

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Los Espookys is the show that I didn’t know I needed and absolutely love. I’ve laughed to the point of having a white outs, and find it fascinating that these wacky characters are all too similar to weird people I know in real life. The situations they put themselves are surreal and I imagine humorless home haunters rolling their eyes at the implausibility of the effects they create, but that’s not the point. A reluctant entrepreneur Reynaldo (Bernado Velasco), teams with his friends, the droll tech whiz Úrsula (Cassandra Ciangherrotti) and the orphan chocolate prince Andrés (Julio Torres) to use their horror proclivity for pay. Whether boosting the demon-fighting allure of a parish priest being replaced by a younger, handsome, and glossy-lipped priest, or an heiress who wants to ensure her family’s fortune doesn’t fall into the wrong hands, Los Espookys are called to set up scenes of terror to fool the superstitiously-inclined dummies while managing their escalating personal prob